Dahil Si Love Hindi na-Conquer All

I've lived my life fearing that I'd grow old alone.

Hindi pa naman ako sobrang matanda but I’m certainly not getting any younger either. I know I needed a life pero…

Pakiramdam ko, I was not meant to be happy, at least not on the love side of life.

Ang pamilya ko ang tanging naging buhay ko. Magulang ko ang nagmamaneho ng direksyon nito.

I had no freedom. No freedom to decide for life. No freedom to decide for love.

I was not allowed to choose who I wanna be, more so, with whom I wanna share my life with.

The thought of disobeying my parents’ wishes came to mind on far too many occasions but to my dismay I could not do, as my heart wanted me to.

It was a battle I knew for a fact that I could never win.

So...

I gave her up... It hurts so much that I wanted to die. I've loved her so much that letting her go was just too painful to just even think about. She was my world, my life, my all...

Pero naisip ko baka hindi ko lang sya mahal talaga enough for me to fight for her. Pero hindi eh I have always loved her more than anything else except that I’ve realized that love alone could not conquer all.

If I really wanted our love to work, I knew that there’d be hundreds of sacrifices and compromises that we will have to deal with. Too bad on my part, it was my family that was at stake.

Yung mga magulang ko was never a big fan of homosexuality. They would either condemn or just ignore them at times. Although one thing’s for sure… they would never allow any of their child to be one.

But I was…

And that’s when my life, as I've known it, now seemed to be just a tiny speck of my imagination. Yung buhay na inakala ko para saken bakit ngaun parang pinagkakait. I have been a good daughter. I have done a great deal of sacrifices for them pero bakit they couldn't let me be happy.

I wanted to scream... I wanted to shout... I wanted the whole world to know that I am mad... I am furious that life has been so unfair. I gave a lot and did not expect anything in return. I wanted to hate those who are a part of my life that refuse to let me be. More than anything, I wanted them to know and feel just how painful it is to be deprived of one great thing that could have made me complete.

She would have made my life complete. She would have been my biggest achievement. She would have been the best part of me. and SHE... would have love me just as much as I've loved HER.