Hindi Madali Pero Hindi Naging Mahirap

Noong mga nakaraang buwan, when I knew things were not going the way that we have wanted it to naisip ko maybe it's time...

It's time to let go...

I couldn't tell her why... Why, I was leaving her...

Hindi ko masabi sa kanya na iiwan ko sya kasi naduduwag ako. Kasi hindi ko kaya.
Kasi hindi ko sya kayang ipagtanggol sa pamilya ko. Hindi ko masabing hindi yata sapat yung pagmamahal ko sa kanya para ipaglaban ko sya. Hindi ko alam kung kakayanin ko pang panindigan yung relasyon namin hanggang sa huli.

Don't get me wrong, I love her more than any words can say. Siya ang inaasam asam kong makasama habang buhay. Tuwing gabi siya ang laman ng bawat panaginip ko, pangarap ko maging sa paggising ko.

Marahil mahina ako kasi hindi ko pinaniwalaan yung sarili ko na kakayanin ko pero...

ayokong maging maramot. Gusto ko siyang bigyan ng chance maging masaya sa iba. Yung hindi niya kailangang magtago. Yung mamahalin siya hindi lang ni babae kundi ng buong pamilya nito. Gusto ko syang bigyan ng chance maging masaya kahit hindi ako yung kapiling niya. I didn't wanna be selfish...

I wanted her to try and seek happiness outside our relationship. Alam ko nasaktan sya pero pano naman ako... I hurt too... soooo muchhhh... and it hurts even more that I can't talk to anyone about it.

Hindi naging madali para saken ang desisyon kung iwan sya, pero hindi rin naging mahirap dahil alam ko, kung papalarin sya at makakahanap ng iba na hindi tulad ko alam kung magiging masaya sya...

Lord, nung isinuko ko sya...Sayo ko sya isinuko so plssss bless her that she gets what she truly deserves... Someone that would love just as much as I did but stronger para sa ikasasaya ng pagsasama nila... please Lord...

Dahil Si Love Hindi na-Conquer All

I've lived my life fearing that I'd grow old alone.

Hindi pa naman ako sobrang matanda but I’m certainly not getting any younger either. I know I needed a life pero…

Pakiramdam ko, I was not meant to be happy, at least not on the love side of life.

Ang pamilya ko ang tanging naging buhay ko. Magulang ko ang nagmamaneho ng direksyon nito.

I had no freedom. No freedom to decide for life. No freedom to decide for love.

I was not allowed to choose who I wanna be, more so, with whom I wanna share my life with.

The thought of disobeying my parents’ wishes came to mind on far too many occasions but to my dismay I could not do, as my heart wanted me to.

It was a battle I knew for a fact that I could never win.

So...

I gave her up... It hurts so much that I wanted to die. I've loved her so much that letting her go was just too painful to just even think about. She was my world, my life, my all...

Pero naisip ko baka hindi ko lang sya mahal talaga enough for me to fight for her. Pero hindi eh I have always loved her more than anything else except that I’ve realized that love alone could not conquer all.

If I really wanted our love to work, I knew that there’d be hundreds of sacrifices and compromises that we will have to deal with. Too bad on my part, it was my family that was at stake.

Yung mga magulang ko was never a big fan of homosexuality. They would either condemn or just ignore them at times. Although one thing’s for sure… they would never allow any of their child to be one.

But I was…

And that’s when my life, as I've known it, now seemed to be just a tiny speck of my imagination. Yung buhay na inakala ko para saken bakit ngaun parang pinagkakait. I have been a good daughter. I have done a great deal of sacrifices for them pero bakit they couldn't let me be happy.

I wanted to scream... I wanted to shout... I wanted the whole world to know that I am mad... I am furious that life has been so unfair. I gave a lot and did not expect anything in return. I wanted to hate those who are a part of my life that refuse to let me be. More than anything, I wanted them to know and feel just how painful it is to be deprived of one great thing that could have made me complete.

She would have made my life complete. She would have been my biggest achievement. She would have been the best part of me. and SHE... would have love me just as much as I've loved HER.